In this article I have expanded my psychic abilities to include astrology by gazing at the stars for several hours and coming up with zodiac horoscope readings for the year 2019. What does the year have in store for you? Fortune? Fame? Love? Money? Catastrophe and failure? Read on, friends, and find out!

ARIES
Astrology for the Aries zodiac sign indicate that you will have a banner year as a customer service representative for a large bank. If you currently have a different occupation, it is time to reconsider your career choices.

TAURUS
The horoscope for the Taurus zodiac sign in 2019 shows that you will achieve success as a pantomime. However, the success will be short lived, and the rest of the year will be spent in various Tijuana brothels where you will work as a towel boy.

GEMINI
The 2019 horoscope for the Gemini zodiac shows you will find true romance and love as you enter a new relationship... with the mail man!

CANCER
Astrology for the Cancer sign warns of inner turmoil and self doubt as you try to establish yourself as a Facebook "personality."

LEO
Leos, famous for their narcissistic tendencies: your Facebook selfies will "jump the shark" this year and get very few "likes" or comments.

VIRGO
in 2019, the horoscope for the Virgo zodiac shows promise of financial gains and fantastic wealth as you win a State Lottery... however, you will lose the money investing in various Ponzi schemes. Beware!

LIBRA
The horoscope for the Libra zodiac hints that it will be a good year to lay low. You may also be audited by the IRS. On the bright side, you will see some good movies on Netflix this year!

SCORPIO
Scorpios' 2019 will be highlighted by brief moments of tranquility and happiness while taking long walks in the rain. Not a good year for love or romance... you will be humiliated and dumped by the one you most love.

SAGITTARIUS
The horoscope for the Sagittarius zodiac warns that in 2019 Donald Trump will mistake you for an illegal immigrant and you will be deported to Mexico. On the bright side... they have delicious tacos in Mexico!

CAPRICORN
The Capricorn horoscope for 2019 promises you will have a good year working out at the gym as you finally get a personal trainer who really understands your body. Stay away from Libras this year, they will only want to borrow money.

AQUARIAS
The Aquarias horoscope suggests that on Tuesday, June 20th of the year, you should go to the nearest casino and bet all your money on "black" at the roulette table. Or maybe it says "red"... it is not quite clear. Good luck!

PISCES
Horoscope for the Pisces zodiac sign promises success in the fashion industry as you introduce your new line of mens tightey whiteys. Watch out for Leos this year... they will try to slip you a roofie.

More pyschic predictions from Paul Diamond Blow:

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