The wit, wisdom, zen, and philosophy of Paul Diamond Blow.

Smart Phones are DUMB!
Why I refuse to use smart phones and still use a flip phone.

by Paul Ace Diamond "Huggy" Blow

Dinosaurs still exist. I am one of them. That is, in the year 2016 I still use a flip phone instead of the smart phones everyone else is using. You can see it in my author profile photo on this page. My friends make fun of me for using a flip phone and laugh when I pull it out to check the time or check for messages. My girl friend tells me I am old fashioned and am missing out on all the cool, new technology. She even gave me one of her smart phones to use, which is currently collecting dust in a storage bin. Believe me, I have my reasons for using a flip phone, and here I will list my top reasons why smart phones are DUMB and why I still use a flip phone.

Why Smart Phones SUCK
The main reasons I refuse to use smart phones are because they are too big and bulky, and also incredibly fragile. I mean, back when cell phones first came out in the 1980s they cost a thousand dollars and they resembled the walkie talkies the army uses. (Yes, I was there, and I had one for a short time.) They were HUGE. As cell phone technology advanced, cell phones became smaller and smaller, and in my opinion the flip phone models were the best model that came out. With the invention of the so-called "smart" phone, the phones became larger and larger, and now you see people walking around with smart phones the size of 40-inch LED TVs. That's an exaggeration, of course, but you know what I mean. I mean, smart phones these days are too big to fit comfortably in the front pocket of a pair of Levis jeans... you need a purse or a fanny pack to carry one around. DUMB. That's why people are constantly losing their smart phones, because they are too big to fit in their pants pockets and they leave them lying around in public on bar counters or restaurant tables, or what have you. And what happens when you drop a smart phone? There's a good chance the screen will crack, and you will need to spend another $200 or whatever on a replacement.

Besides being so uncomfortably bulky, smart phones are incredibly hard to use. They've got so many freaking options and ridiculous "apps" that you almost need a PHD in rocket science just to make a phone call. DUMB. I'd go a step farther and say that smart phones are smarter than the people that use them. And about these so-called "apps" that everyone just loves... do you really NEED them?? I mean, it seems to me that most people use their smart phones mainly to send and receive text messages, and to stay connected to Facebook and the internet 24 hours a day. DUMB. Seriously, the reason most people these days are constantly staring at their smart phones is because they just got a notification that someone on Facebook posted an amusing cute animal photo, or something dumb like that. I for one REFUSE to be strung out on Facebook 24-hours a day. I have a life to live in the real world, thank you very much. I do NOT need all these crazy apps. And also, why do people prefer to surf the internet with a tiny 5" smart phone screen? DUMB. It seems to me most smart phone users are addicted to their smart phones, that's why they are constantly staring at them, even in social situations. I for one refuse to be a slave to technology. Technology is MY slave.

There are other reasons why smart phones suck. If you believe the conspiracy theories, everything you do or say on your smart phone is recorded by the government and can be used against you in a court of law. Not to mention, all your personal information is bought and sold to secret societies and corporations who use that information to enslave you. I don't have to worry about that with my flip phone. And let's talk about "selfies"... everywhere you go, people have their smart phones out taking annoying selfies to post on Facebook. For the record, your smart phone selfies SUCK. I used to take selfies with my digital camera and post them on Facebook, but I did that as a joke. That's right -- I was mocking you! (And my digital camera selfies were much better quality than all the smart phone selfies.) One more reason smart phones suck is that you have to recharge them three or four times a day! DUMB.

Why My Flip Phone ROCKS
I currently have a Motorola flip phone that I've had for over three years and cost me $15 as part of a package deal with Net10's pay as you go plan. That's right -- FIFTEEN DOLLARS. And my cell phone service costs me only $15 a month, much less than the average smart phone cell service plan. My Motorola flip phone is reliable and does everything I need it to do. It makes phone calls. It sends and receives text messages, even messages with rich media attached. It has a 2 megapixel camera. It has a voice recorder and even takes video. It has a slot for a micro SD card for added expansion. It even has an MP3 player and a headphone jack! And yes, my flip phone even can get on the internet. Although the web browser and the camera on my flip phone are not very good, that's okay. If I want to get on the internet, I do it from home on my desktop computer with my 24" LED monitor. If I want to take quality photos, I use my digital camera. Heck, my digital camera photos BLOW AWAY all the horrible smart phone photos everyone posts on Facebook.

I have even dropped my Motorola flip phone more than a handful of times in the past few years but it is still alive and kicking! The little screen on the front is cracked and non-functioning, but all that ever did was display the time. I love my flip phone. It does everything I need it to do, it's a tank, and it fits nicely in the front pocket of my tight Levi's jeans. And oh yeah.... I leave my flip phone on all the time, but only have to charge it maybe once or twice a week! And that, ladies and gents, is why MY FLIP PHONE ROCKS!

I will say that smart phones generally DO have better sound quality with phone calls than my $15 flip phone, but to me that's not a good enough reason to make the switch. Supposedly, my Motorola flip phone is only 2nd generation and will soon stop working when Net10 switches all their networks to 4g, at least that's what they keep telling me. But that hasn't happened yet, and even if it does I am covered.... I have a brand new 4g Flip phone waiting in the wings.

2019 update: As of 2019 I am still using my flip phone, although when I go out of town I bring my smart phone with me so I can connect to wi-fi internet when needed. Billionaire investor Warren Buffet also still uses a flip phone, so I am in good company!

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